Wednesday, February 16, 2011

How to Defend Yourself Against a Lolita-Hater

Lolitas are different. They dress differently, act differently, do things differently than the typical girl. Sure. Correct. Did you also know a dog is different from a human yet still "Man's Best Friend"? What difference does a frilly skirt and pink bonnet make? A lolita is still human, just because a girl's blouse just so happens to have puffy sleeves and a black cross in the center does not make her an alien. To dislike someone and hurt them because they are different-- Nobody seems to grasp how utterly idiotic this is. "They are different" isn't a reason to curse someone out. Everyone's different, are you going to hate everybody? And does being different honestly have to mean being not stupidly rude?

I am afraid, my fellow babydoll princesses, that there are people out there who can't think beyond the surface of "she's wearing lace. She must be dumb." There are people out there who will be down-right immature enough to actually walk up to you and give you the opinion nobody cares about. My brothers are one of these, and they sicken me. Growing up with them, I've learned how to make a lolita-- or anything-hater realize just how idiotic they truly are. Here is how.

There are a number of different types of jerks out there. But keep positive-- there are a lot of nice people out there too. Let's say, perhaps, you are in your lovely blouse and skirt walking down a street, going to the local antique store. There will always be the people with no manners, the ones who stare. You can just ignore them and keep going, looking straight ahead. Remember-- to avoid creepos (you know those guys, soaked in sweat, freaky smile, typically fat and unkempt), go with a friend unless the destination is basically right by your house.

But what if someone did worse than staring? What if they actually yelled something at you? Something rude, like "bitch", "slut", "trash". If it's only words, sticks and stones. Ignoring them will make them look stupid, and since they're most likely immature enough, they'll get frustrated because they didn't make YOU frustrated like they wanted. Then, like a little child, they'll get bored and go back to living their sad lives. Just keep calm and cool, like a Lolita would. It's only words, dollie.

However, if it's more than words...
There have been incidents when freaks with anger issues actually attacked lolitas, throwing things at them and all that dog doo doo. It's okay to be angry at these kinds of things. The mighty middle finger is acceptable to whip out at this moment. Since a lolita must be ladylike, the almighty Bird must stay down until something terrible happens, something bad enough to get anyone flustered. However, if the culprit is escaping, you don't need to run after them and smack them with your purse (if they aren't running and actually GRABBING at you, go right ahead girl!) Chances are you'll never meet them again in your life. If they actually follow you and keep it up, bring a big brother, a boyfriend, some male who can protect you next time you go out. If the person follows you home, they are a freaky stalker. Tell them you will call the police if they don't gtfo.

Sometimes people walk up to you and aren't necessarily rude, they just ask you why you wear such a thing ("Aren't you hot?" is, congratulations, the dumbest question in the history of the planet), and it is okay to explain, just remain peaceful and kind. Elegance is key to being a lolita. However, if they go up to you and insult you, chances are you don't know what to say and just gracefully glare at them in awkward speechlessness at their stupidity. Here's what you do: Smile, say "I'm sorry you think that," and walk away. They look like an idiot now. If they follow you, as I said above, it won't matter unless they're seriously stalking you, and you can ask a store clerk or someone to kindly ask them to leave because they're bothering you.

And then there are the creepers. The 45 year old fatty who almost seems as though he's slimy, and gets a 2-cm boner everytime he sees cute little girls in frilly dresses. If he grabs you, kick, scream, yell a random guy name and pretend your boyfriend's going to come to the rescue. "ROMEO~~~!"

To prevent this bloated slug from sliming up your beautiful apron/dress/jsk/whatever you're wearing that day, a few tips will be good for you:
-Always go with a friend to busy places and places far away. The rats lurk in the shadows, looking for lonely dolls.. (That's right, they're slugs AND rats.)
-If you do see someone who looks sketchy (unkempt, creepy, dirty), avoid them as much as possible.
-Please, don't be the stupid girl who believes that guy online really is 15 and really is going to meet up with her in the alleyway to give her pink roses. It is so easy to lie on the internet, I could say I'm 23 and make anyone believe me like that. You know why a lot of guys say "There are no women on the internet"? Because half of those girls are really 50 year old sweaty old men. Don't take this lightly, I'm serious. Because you really do not want to be the unlucky girl that gets swept away in the alleyway by Prince Pedo.

And there you have it, how to be lolita, elegant and still survive the day. You are just too cute, my dear, and being cute can be a dangerous thing.

Dangerous indeed. =3

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